| LAUGH OF THE CENTURY |
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| 09:50pm 09/10/2005 |
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mood:  amused music: The Allman Brothers
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"Andy ... what in the world has happened to you?
Is this what your drug use has lowered you to?
I can't believe this is you. The smartest kid I know who could be anything or do anything is a junkie?
What are you trying to prove and to who? or should I say what? Man has Satan got you by the tail BIG time. I just can't believe you fell for all of his lies and temptations. How could you do this to your family? How could you do this to you? Man, I'll be praying for you."
-Anonymous
I thought at first this was a friend being really funny, but it would have been more apparent if it was so. So I am going to assume that someone wrote this in seriousness! HAHAHAHA!!!! Well my nameless friend, drugs apparently haven't made me THAT dumb because I can use proper grammar when I am trying to appear serious and I know what the fuck a junkie is. You, sir, are a dumb motherfucker. How dare you think anything is wrong with me? How dare you think drugs have overall affected me negatively?
And most importantly how the fuck dare you talk to me about religious bullshit. The quickest way to turn me off is to start talking about such horrible things as religion! Satan has me by the tail eh? So you think Satan exists? That alone says a whole hell of a lot about you. Does it appear that I'm trying to prove something to someone? Because I like to get drunk and smoke cigarettes and smoke a little bit of pot? YES I'M DOING THIS TO BE SO COOL!!! I'm such a little attention whore gosh I'm going to smoke cigarettes to be accepted and go cut my wrists so people will give a shit about me OMGZ!!! Puh-lease. Don't be such a fuckhead. What am I doing to my family exactly? If they have a problem with how I roll then fuck dat nigah that is their deal.
So listen up. Before you start talking down to me or attempt to show "concern", just fucking think for a second. Do you think I care what someone who hides their identity from me says? Do you think I will consider your opinion if you are a Christian? Do you think condescending me with your pseudo-moral bullshit will help me out in any way?
Just shut the fuck up.
I'm probably doing better off than you would be doing in my shoes.
If you think I'm a junkie you are someone I consider a waste of your daddy's semen. Find out what junkie means and then realize how delicious your foot tastes in your mouth.
Religion is bullshit.
God most likely doesn't exist.
The Christian god most DEFINITELY does not exist.
Spare me your ignorant views.
I write all this in an attempt to get my point across -
Fuck you, dumbass.
You remind me that our race is a failing one and that our self-extermination is NOT a bad thing. |
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| 09:46pm 09/10/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: muse
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pot's dick
alcohol's chill
drinking alone or alone with pierce on homecoming probably
girls are dick
people are generally really dick
a next low valley! the hill didn't last that long this time, that's pretty gay. |
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| bitches |
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| 05:09pm 25/09/2005 |
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mood:  horny music: Fall of Troy - F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X.
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Damn I have not written in this thing for a bit...livejournals are pretty weak.
School is school. Some ROTC nig-bitch stole a Mountain Dew from me and ran away like a pussy. I'm going to find her and kick her in the twat!
Why are there so many sexy girls at FC? And why can't I talk to any of them? I want to find a date to homecoming but I have no idea where to look haha. So if anyone wants to go with me let me know ;) I'll give you so much Majkuttery you won't even know what to do.
This weekend was spent entirely at James'. I'm really glad I met him he's an awesome motherfucker. I've pretty much found my group of people for this year already...I actually like a lot of younger kids. And as weird as it sounds I'm glad I'm in the junior class because my best friends are in it, since most of the Couch Crew is off at college...but it's cool. I'm pretty fucking stoked on life right now.
<3 kissy kissy
I'M GOIN' TO GET DRUNK AGAIN BITCHES PAYYYYYYYYYYYYCEEEE!!! |
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| MDMA |
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| 11:55pm 15/09/2005 |
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mood:  crazy music: new BTBAM
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is fucking awesome. I finally had a really nice trip off of it.
When you can't get acid, why n ot roll?
School is filled with fuckheads, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. whatevaaaaaaa
let's chill bitches |
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| hypocracy of things |
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| 03:08pm 09/09/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted music: new guitar jam
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I despise the idea that freedom in this country is in itself a contradiction. You can choose what car you want! What food you eat! What career you want! WOWWIE!!!!! IT'S SO FUCKING FREE!!
Oh. No, you can't do that. And that and that and that. It isn't "safe" for you to make decisions like that yet! When you are 18 you can! When you are 21 you can! Oh and you can never do THAT! It's illegal period!! We know what is best for you personally. We take your best interest at heart. It's not at all about money or control!! We promise! We're your loving GOVERNMENT!!!
Fuck you government. Fuck you.
On a lighter note....if I wanna smoke crack I'ma smoke it so fuck you!
hahahahahahahahaha |
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| metalllll!! |
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| 01:14am 08/09/2005 |
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mood:  calm music: As Hope Dies
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I have finally found another musician who wants to play in a kick-ass metal band with me, another guitarist by the name of Frank.
So far the plan is me on guitar and vocals, and Frank on guitar and back-up vocals. We are now looking for a bassist and a drummer and there we go! If someone would play keys for us that would help alot as well. We're all about playing some sick metal, keeping it melodic yet brutal. If you are interested in playing with us please let me know!
Think "As Hope Dies" meets "Between the Buried and Me", that's as best I can describe what we're going for right now.
Goals for this week:
-Get my hair cut satisfactorily
-Get my lip pierced
-Find other musicians to join in the metal assault
-Make out with a cute girl, and let go of my craving for that damn blonde
but ohhhhhhhhhh I just need to be a slut again!
And if I go to FC that is surely my fate..
maybe going there wouldn't be so bad?
<3
Call me faggots no one ever calls me anymore goddamnit
642-7426 |
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| yeah fuck you |
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| 01:52pm 06/09/2005 |
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mood:  disappointed music: Three Mile Pilot
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Coooooooooool. FC is so cool! Can't wait.
I'm glad we stopped hanging out. God fucking forbid you ever start to reciprocate my feelings, goodness no we wouldn't want that would we?
I am so purposeless right now. |
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| VB is far too humid for my liking |
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| 03:51am 30/08/2005 |
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mood:  uncomfortable music: pinback - tripoli
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There isn't too much going on in the life of Mancunt these days. I went to 311 with Kacie, Maloney, and Salt, which was pretty chill. Spent the night at Folsom's chill apartment with Salt too and stayed up all night of course. Good times, indeed.
Today 12 hours passed in what seemed like only 3...crazy shit man. And I know it's going to be so fucking hard to sleep now. |
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| 11:14am 24/08/2005 |
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mood: tired
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Life is so fuckin' crazy. I kind of want a girlfriend to keep me level-headed because I go crazier each day !! But then again... haha who knows.
Oh and in case you didn't already know this, Pierce Hall is the fucking man above all other men. Period. |
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| .!.!>, |
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| 02:11am 17/08/2005 |
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mood: thankful music: owls - I want the blindingly cute to confide in me
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I'm kind of at a loss for words to say right now. I feel kind of sad that I'm letting go of a part of my life, but I'm actually excited, and it's been a long time since I've ever used THAT adjective to describe my mood, I'm excited about a new chapter of life and I know that after every downhill, there is an uphill and I have finally come to that. I've learned alot and I thank life for all the pain and hardships it dealt me, because it's only made me come out stronger and smarter in the end. And I know that I'm not going to feel this happy forever, but the fact that I am capable of feeling this way is what keeps me going.
I'm gonna miss those of you that are going away to college, we had alot of fucking good times. And whenever we visit each other, which I'm going to make sure happens, the good times will keep coming.
And I finally cut the bond of what has been holding me down for the past while.
I feel free guys, fucking free.
<3 |
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| LOVE and TIMING |
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| 04:04am 15/08/2005 |
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mood:  creative music: these songs.
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1
Do you remember how fascinating the concept of words was...
Don't you remember how beautiful everything was?
Cuz I can't recall the day that I last felt this way
like a child born into the world at eighteen
I miss the days I spent confusing my life with real dreams
let me reminisce about things I've yet to witness
cuz I saw them in my head, oh yeah, when I wasn't yet alive
I was the world and the world was me but now there's just time
time to waste with the ones you love or wishing you had someone
And as the world spins on an invisible string that holds up everything
I just wanna watch
I just wanna see the world as it is true
I just wanna sit right here and observe the beauty that is existin'
and I'd be honored if I could do it with you
2
Let's get back to the very start
there isn't anything more entertaining than the volatile state of the heart
The first thing worth remembering is a crazy word called love
I used to see it as more than a chemical reaction
I thought it was imparted to us from above
but little kids' prayers don't get them anywhere
and day-dreams don't get that far
and I've learned too much 'bout this world
and I've learned everyone doesn't get what they deserve
the darkest nights and the heaviest tears
gave me insight as to why real love is so rare
but if I had to have it anyway
I'd rather know of heartbreak
than to never have felt that feeling all through my body
People are always tyin' emotions to the heart
but that's just an organ that keeps us alive
so stop wasting time analyzing things apart
cuz baby, emotions are just chemicals goin' wild
3
Barely conscious and beautiful
did you choose to be this way?
If you would only answer yes...mmm but you'll just flip your hair
Can I tell you how important you are?
you'd cut me off and give shallow reasons
but I can see through your body
and I can see you change with the seasons
you're not evolving anymore baby it's time you let go
why don't you look in the fucking mirror baby and let yourself know
just know
You're worth every minute of lies that you clutter up in your mind
and I'd stand with you forever even though we wouldn't talk at all
if you're gonna fake it just tell me
I don't wanna waste my time
If you're gonna just play me out
I don't wanna stand in line
if you're gonna fake it just tell me
I don't wanna waste our time
but oh I love you
and I hate you that much worse
but it hurts when I need you
and when I don't, there's just more hurt
And oh I love you even when you're eyes are blank
and when I can hear the lies formin' behind that smile
even though I know they're forged I love every word you grace upon my mind
so just drop the acts
you don't need all their attention
when you realize what you really need I'll be here waiting with my head in my hands
hoping to one day look up
and see you there as you stand
and welcome you in embrace to a time and a place that I've been waiting for forever
a paradise right here in hell's center
baby we'll live in a paradise here in hell's center |
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| hmmmMMmm |
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| 03:35am 12/08/2005 |
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mood:  high music: Chiodos - All Nereids Beware
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So I have come to a chill conclusion to my situation regarding drugs. I have realized that all drugs, even pot, are good in moderation. I knew this about everything else but for me personally, I'm through with the complete stoner phase of my deal with pot. I don't want to do it all day everyday, and have that be a huge priority. If I go a few days without smoking, save money, and then smoke an amount smaller than what I usually would smoke, I will get ripped. And I appreciate it so much more like that. Smoking so much, coupled with my stupid over-abuse of other drugs, has definitely "perma-stoned" my ass. I don't want to not think about anything when I'm sober, that's for smoking a blunt and taking bong rips. The worse thing I did was binge on dextromethorphan, which I definitely have not had any desire to fuck with anymore. A drug that pulls your mind out of your body should not be used as much as ANY other drug... you can have a few nice strongs trip and that should be enough for a long time. To anyone doing dxm once a day, even once a week, chill the fuck out. Especially if you do anything besides JUST dxm (coricidin; anything cough AND cold), you're fucking yourself up. No drug that makes you trip should be used in excess amounts, especially disassociatives. It's taken me a long time to undo the distance between my fucking mind and body. I guess I kind of got off point, but basically what I'm saying is that I'm done with getting fucked up everyday; if you can't go a day without using a drug, no matter how harmless or chill it may be, then that fucking sucks. I was like that, but I don't have to do that anymore. A life of repetition is boring, and drugs can't make you happy - you have to be happy independently for it to work out. I'm not talking shit about drugs, which I think to be one of the greatest things ever on this earth, but I don't want to do shit just to get "fucked up" anymore. Well, not as often...haha. The only thing I want to get fucked up from is alcohol. You know I'm still going to do drugs, it's in my lifestyle...it's something I see as important to my perception of life, but for me to appreciate these things I do them with much less frequency. This upcoming night will be my last night of getting straight bent for a while, but I have to do it and I don't mind... cuz it's August 12th.
By the way, that means I'm seventeen now... but what the hell is so important about a birthday anyway? |
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| bewo. beow beow beow beow. |
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| 02:29pm 10/08/2005 |
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mood: hungover as fuck music: The Fall of Troy
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The warped tour was gay as fuck. I think the only band Kacie and I saw that is worth mentioning was Strung Out, who put on a great show by the way. The rain was fucking gay. We merked at like 6, did mass shit, smoked 2 fat blunts, did some other shit, smoked some more, and went to "the asian house". I got so fucking hammered man. But fuck yesterday though, the whole day. I didn't enjoy any of it, except the part between the warped tour and the asian house party. I think I fucked someone but I don't even know, I don't really give enough of a shit to find out what happened. All I can remember are those few clear seconds amidst the blacking out, and those all point to YEP!
I can't talk anymore. I mean I physically can't perform the action of talking, and when I can, I don't have any sort of idea what to say most of the time. Is that supposed to mean something? Probably....but I think I'm done now. Yes, yes definitely done. Well that was a fun chapter of my life! Not. As much as I'd like to end this story, I doubt it's done with me yet. It's alright though...I am just going to sit here in my house for a while and smoke cigs and not get fucked up and not talk to anyone, because that's what I'm supposed to do.
What the fuck has happened to me?
fuuuuuuuck.
Majkut |
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| hmmMmmmmm |
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| 05:15am 09/08/2005 |
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mood: fiending a cig!!! music: Zao
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highlight of summer - dropping cid with Maloney, Folsom, Salt, Troy, and fucking Naylor. What an awesome, awesome day/night. There are too many weak instances from that evening to try and talk about, but I will say PUT UP YOUR DUKES!!!
Maloney's last night was alright, it was pretty weak. Pierce stayed the night at my house, and it's always a good time if Pierce is there.
Warped tour is this upcoming day! There are mad shitty bands playing, but I really want to see Boys Night Out and Zao. If I see both of them I will be content.
"I'm pretty sure I'm going to kiss you today, if that's okay, and if not then at least I'll know my place!"
-Manslork |
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| ... |
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| 06:20pm 05/08/2005 |
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mood:  irritated music: boys night out
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Fuck this summer. I'm sure it has made everyone mature a good year or two, just in the past week.
I'm pretty much over everything. |
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| 03:43pm 31/07/2005 |
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mood: blank music: Boys Night Out - Waking
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Last night was really fucking shitty. I settled my nerves finally at the end of it by smoking a blunt, it was the first blunt I've ever smoked entirely by myself. I have a feeling today is going to be almost, if not equally, as shitty as yesterday. |
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| 05:16pm 30/07/2005 |
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ooorrrrrrrrrrrr
hmmmmmmmmm |
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| onset leading to nothing but a good night's sleep |
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| 04:42am 30/07/2005 |
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mood: hmMMMmmMm!! music: ceiling fan
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I set you apart from all the rest
not without reason, you're simply the best
and it was clear to me as soon as my eye was set
I see you everyday
even if not by my eyes
and everything's just a little bit different in every way
now that my mind isn't mine
Life is easy and is so hard
it's all a learning game from end to start
and I've learned quite a few things
although many are hard to explain
I know of a smile, I know of a tear
I have become acquaintances with love and fear
and hope holds my hand
as isolation tears me down
All the emotions reside in your mind
and once you know that, life should fall in line
but even knowing plenty doesn't make it less difficult
as a matter of fact knowledge doesn't make you more sensible
unless you know everything, and understand
but we're not god, not for another thousand years
and my brain is just one of billions...stuck in between enlightenment and infatuation.
I just can't take the human side of me out,
and I suppose...I suppose that's what it's all about
the two eyes on my head are both set upon you
and while they are open, my third eye cannot view
the two eyes on my head are both sewn into you
and while they are wishing, my third eye ...
will always lose
Pierce is back in town...I love that kid so much, he was missed greatly while in Europe. I stayed the night at his house Thursday, and the next day we chilled with troyfuCK. That night I chilled with Kacie and Kody, got entirely toooo wasted...it was alright.
I keep going back and forth between being okay and entirely disheartened by life and it is really pissing me off. I see that my inability to make decisions mirrors my subconscious, constantly influencing me to feel completely different waves of emotions, sometimes minutes apart. I always want to say that I see the bright side of everything...and at the same exact time I always want to say how much I despise existence. Fuck the maturity I have gained in the pass few years, I'd give anything to have my fucking innocence and a certain degree of ignorance back... |
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| Get sick motherfuckers |
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| 02:58am 27/07/2005 |
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mood: high music: Despised Icon; The Number 12 Looks Like You; Into the Moat
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summmmmerrr is so fucking hottt now
fuck it nigah I'm about to be 17 in a little while....aweeesome.
Today was rather laid-back, just woke up at Salt's in the afternoon, took some bingers and then came home. Chilled at Kody's for a little bit later with Salt again and watched Paradise Lost 2, that shit is soooo dick. We merked to Folsom's and chilled with the drunken face for a bit but went home relatively early. Woody saved the night with a blunt to cap off the evening, yeahhhhhh
must jam with people, contact me bitches
majuice
bout ta get back in that gizzame nigah |
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| Remembering then... |
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| 03:40am 24/07/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: finch
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It is truly a strange thing to think about the past... so many different emotions are tied to events that happened to us, and even two or three years is a long time. The one thing that I struggle with the most is I live with the sin of regret, I regret roughly half, if not more, of everything I've done for the past few years. I wish more than anything I could travel back in time. I know that that is one of the most cliche desires humans have, but I can't stand living knowing I fucked up so badly. The lesson you're supposed to learn is to remember your mistakes so as to not make them again, well that lesson is useless to me because I will never come across those choices to fuck up again. I dislike the way things are unfolding. They aren't even unfolding. They're fucking sitting idle and stagnant and not developing into anything. I thrive on the pain of life, the shittiness that dwells in every person, the hate that drives so many, I feed on unhappiness, I can't really change that...that's just who I am. I know all about life and I know what the right mindset is... I just can't live with it comfortably and be me.
And all this thinking has made me come to some conclusions -
I don't want to continue living in this manner.
I want to get in shape. I want to start doing something worth while. I want to take back everything this lifestyle has robbed me of. I want to cut down on smoking pot. I want to regain all the social skills I have lost. I don't want to be a stupid fucking stoner. I want to have to not worry about what some of my friends think about what I'm doing or who I'm with or what I'm doing with who I'm with. I don't want to let anyone hold me back from something I want. I don't want to have such short-sighted goals. I don't want to feel lonely. I don't want to feel uncomfortable, unconfident, confused, I don't want to feel like I'm just wasting away anymore! I don't want to despise talking and communicating, I don't want to do the same goddamn thing every day, I don't want to waste any more of my time not using my talents and I sure as hell don't want to fucking amount to nothing.
Where have all my real friends gone...and why is everyone so shallow and material-obsessed that hanging out can't be just sitting on a field somewhere enjoying the day?
I want to know why the world is so fucked up. Fuck humans. We are the scum of the earth, the waste god shat upon it after he created everything else, we have fucked up and destroyed this gift of life so horribly that the future can sometimes look bleak, but at the same time...
we are the hope.
So fuck all the bullshit, life has gotta be lived. Annnnnnnnnnd
that's it.
Andrew
I got a crucial need for some cuddlin' & makin' out time, jesus fucking christ. |
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